Learning to Live - Part 1

What the heck? I mean - seriously. He has a problem. My cynacism surprises me, but seriously, I need to have a conversation with the boy.

The man I speak of is disregarding much of the advice of his friends and family and is taking a fantastic drive down to Kansas City to participate in an amazing training opportunity. The cost: $4,000. His current support: $0. His response: "God will provide." What is he thinking?

I talked with him today and tried to comprehend his reason with my rational mind. Short story: crash and burn. He spoke of what it looked like to just trust God fully and wholeheartedly. I figured it might work if God provided for Him when he got there and so I asked him to tell me how he planned on paying for his trip. He says, "I don't know, God will provide." Something in me does not like his response.

"Yeah...but...." I stutter. "God wants you to be responsible! and a good steward of the gifts He gave you!" I blurt out. You should be paying more attention to how you live your life! "Do you even know how much is in your bank account??"

"No" he replies, with a smile. "it just gives me a reason to be anxious if I check my account." "Is it really that hard to just trust God? I mean, He says that He is Provider right?"

I'm caught. What else can I say? My thoughts churn within me. Years of Bible training and study have prepared me for this conversation right? After all, I myself am ramping up for a "crazy" launch of me and my new family into a place where "God only knows....".

Silence. All that can be heard are the wind driven waves as they swirl and crash against the pier. I look into his eyes. Peace stares back. I choke. He smiles and speaks, "what about child like faith?" Something breaks inside of me and a soft Wind blows across the cooling embers of my heart. It's over. I'm done.

Childlike faith. I sure miss that. Living life to the max each day, completely oblivious to what would or could happen tomorrow - yet with an ever present expectancy of good things and of laughter. It is this very thing that shaped longing in my heart for Africa so many years ago as a child. It was me, God and the world - and God always had a good idea of what to do next. Mmmm. I remember those dreams like a soft and warm blanket. But today, after many years of long restless nights, the blanket is tattered. Its fabric is threadbare. And I feel cold inside.

Back to the conversation. I turn and I notice that I have shifted from trying to impart wisdom to trying to learn. The tables are turned. The teacher has become the student and the surrounding Creation has become the classroom.

"What if you run out of gas?" I ask. "Then i'll walk" he says. My heart beats faster. "What if you can't get into the school? I question. "Then I don't get into the school. It's that simple" he says. "And I don't want to be at my dull job forever". I smile as I become aware of my new heart posture and my attitude changes. My spirit resonates with what he is saying and remembers dreams of long ago. Dreams of following the God of the Universe anywhere regardless of what anyone else thinks or says. The Bible even says, "the meek shall inherit the Earth". At this moment I can't think of anyone meeker.

I realize that he has escaped "the system" and is free. He can go anywhere and do anything because God is with him and for him. He is free to follow the dreams of His heart, which is nothing less than the very face of God. I smile as I remember my own zeal and desire for seeking God, though it cost me everything. I can still hear the sweet still voice that whispers in my soul, encouraging me to continue, to press forward. His faith and joy have refreshed my spirit. I smile and laugh I realize that we are both men who long to be free. Free to live wholeheartedly. Free to love deeply and without reserve. Free to not have any regrets. Free from the system of man and all its wearying entanglements. And I realize the difference and why I am tired and he is not: he beat me to the trail!

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall.

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint" (Isaiah 40:29-31).

Mukama Yebazebwe!