Wrong choice?

I had a customer at work the other day tell me that I was wrong for going to help out in Africa and that I should help the children here in America first. Interesting thought. I didn't get an opportunity to discuss indepth his charge, but I did think about it a lot.

How rich do we need to get before we are willing to help others in need? Seriously. Does he not realize how many organizations are functioning at this very moment with the exact mission of helping our nation's underprivileged children? I did try to shoot back a quick and dignified response. I chose to compare the situation in Uganda to America. I pointed out how there were children in the land where we are going whose parents have been hacked to death by machetes in front of them. Leaving the oldest child to care for his younger siblings, most of which are too young to work and are extremely susceptible to disease. I mentioned that over HALF of the population of Uganda was age 15 and younger and had very few parents, let alone mentors, to help them grow up into their full potential.

He paused for a moment and then changed his thought on the matter by encouraging me to come back here to help the kids when I was finished with those in Africa. I smiled and he left. It seems odd to me that people who don't know me would immediately judge my motives as being poorly placed. This customer has not been the only person to say such things to me.

I did learn something however. I learned, again, not to judge people off the cuff. It is so easy to do and I do it all the time. In this example, I judged him right back and thought him to be ignorant and misinformed, thus elevating my pride and making me feel better about myself. But all that served to do was give me an overinflated ego. It would have been good to have actually entered into an intelligent conversation on the matter had time permitted.

So how did I end up responding? I prayed for both him and I that God would grant us both bigger hearts to love the children both in America and abroad whose needs are great. I still feel my heart pulling me to serve in Africa rather than, say, inner city Chicago. And this was the final conclusion that I rested on. That we all serve work together as a body each doing his or her own part, wherever each person's individual gifting is.

The Next Step

So today was the last day of my work. It still feels all too surreal - the closing of this chapter of my life and the beginning of the next. We still have so much to do. I am quite excited though. Just two weeks left before we jump of faith out from the safety of our homeland into the unknown.

What will it be like? How will you support yourself? Is it safe? Watch out for the cannibals! These comments and questions have been asked of me by my coworkers in these recent months. I have had many thoughts during the past few months. Thoughts. Reflections. So many thoughts.

I usually just smile and let them know that it isn't going to be as bad as they think. In fact, most often they have no clue since the most intelligent responses to my inquires of my friends has come from the lectern of National Geographic or Wildlife Hunter. When I explain that the temperature is relatively stable and that where we will be staying is actually SAFER than, say, inner city Milwaukee, the attitudes of my friends begin to change. "Take me with you" they say. Until I tell them that I am going to work with orphans and be a herald of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, then I get responses like, "I could never do that!" or "you are a noble man". As if I am any better than anyone else. No, I am just a man with a curious heart.

What is it that I am getting myself into? God only knows. What's my purpose? Well. I did mention that I was curious. I am curious to see how God will show up among the poor of the Earth. Jesus often speaks of how those who know Him the best are those who are lowly of heart and who have a childlike faith. He also says it is better to give than to receive and to seek the Kingdom of God over every other thing on this planet.

What is the Gospel of the Kingdom? To love your neighbor... to Love God whole heartedely. It is as simple and as complicated as that. What is worth toiling over on this planet? We can't take anything with us. Many NGO's and humanitarian organizations seem to be struggling to create a system of lasting peace where everyone feels valued and esteemed. What if I just love my neighbor? Does that make me great? What if I love my neighbor in Africa? I guess I am just trying to get as close to the heart of God as I can. And I see Him moving among the poor. My heart is drawn to Africa. Perhaps because of the simplicity of heart shared among the people. I can celebrate the reality of love openly and freely. The people have a desperate thirst to be loved. Not that I have all the answers, or even one answer for all that matter. But I can love.

I think this is what I have been thinking about most often. Not so much how will we support ourselves or how to be the most safe, but what does love look like when you have nothing. I have studied much from the University of Wisconsin about culture and international relations. What I have noticed however is that as my head has gotten bigger to accomodate the influx of knowledge, my heart seems to have gotten smaller. Not that I am not thankful for the education I have recieved, rather the information I have processed and synthesized seems to have lacked a vital personal element. Complicated ideas of science, religion and sociology mixed with international relations models have comprised much of my education. I have learned about belief systems such as realism, constructivism and liberlism. So many theories and ideas on how this world works. I studied international law and have come to appreciate the difficulties of being a world leader in an anarchic world system. In the end, I have often wondered how this broad brushed sociological survey of the planet will help me actually love the individual right in front of me and create a satisfactory peace that is fought after but seldom realized.

Is there a simpler way? After all my studies I realized that among all the international relation models I studied, the Gospel of the Kingdom was not included in the lineup. Not surprising in a secular university where they do not endorse one "religion" over another. However I couldn't help but remember Jesus' words - "if your enemy is thirsty, give him a drink. If he is hungry, give him something to eat". His words seem so far removed from our current realities of self-focus and self-glorification. Love our enemy? Timeless revolutionary words. What if we did that? What if instead of judging my neighbor I loved him? Even the neighbor I don't like very much. Perhaps then I might be able to embrace a form of living that breathes life into others. What if this was normal instead of revolutionary? Perhaps the love of most wouldn't be growing so cold in our day. Perhaps people would believe more easily in the love of God since His followers would actually be encouraging hurting people rather than judging and condeming them.

So many thoughts garbled together. :) Thanks for reading. This was more of a vomit session for me to get my thoughts out.

I am excited to be going to Africa. And I am excited to be able to offer a cup of water to a person in need. My goal is to be a dispensor of love and grace as well as a sign to the source all love, passion and life, Jesus Christ.

too much mind

I can't sleep! Moving to a different country. Giving it all away! 2 suit cases each. LOL.

Can I bring my kitchen with me? So many things we don't know. I like that. It lets me over plan

and then repent for control freaking. I'm such a freak. All I really have to offer is love anyway.

even if my rolling pin doesn't make it . Or my wisk will i really need a wisk lol! Im gonna go to bed

TOO MUCH MIND!

Taking off the old and wearing the new

I have been living a new life wearing the same old clothes. To be more specific I know I am free from needing my body weight to protect me. I just got so used to and comfortable wearing it I am still here in the same comfort with new freedom. So it is time for me to get off needing to protect myself and to allow the healing God has done in me to manifest.

Learning to Live - Part 1

What the heck? I mean - seriously. He has a problem. My cynacism surprises me, but seriously, I need to have a conversation with the boy.

The man I speak of is disregarding much of the advice of his friends and family and is taking a fantastic drive down to Kansas City to participate in an amazing training opportunity. The cost: $4,000. His current support: $0. His response: "God will provide." What is he thinking?

I talked with him today and tried to comprehend his reason with my rational mind. Short story: crash and burn. He spoke of what it looked like to just trust God fully and wholeheartedly. I figured it might work if God provided for Him when he got there and so I asked him to tell me how he planned on paying for his trip. He says, "I don't know, God will provide." Something in me does not like his response.

"Yeah...but...." I stutter. "God wants you to be responsible! and a good steward of the gifts He gave you!" I blurt out. You should be paying more attention to how you live your life! "Do you even know how much is in your bank account??"

"No" he replies, with a smile. "it just gives me a reason to be anxious if I check my account." "Is it really that hard to just trust God? I mean, He says that He is Provider right?"

I'm caught. What else can I say? My thoughts churn within me. Years of Bible training and study have prepared me for this conversation right? After all, I myself am ramping up for a "crazy" launch of me and my new family into a place where "God only knows....".

Silence. All that can be heard are the wind driven waves as they swirl and crash against the pier. I look into his eyes. Peace stares back. I choke. He smiles and speaks, "what about child like faith?" Something breaks inside of me and a soft Wind blows across the cooling embers of my heart. It's over. I'm done.

Childlike faith. I sure miss that. Living life to the max each day, completely oblivious to what would or could happen tomorrow - yet with an ever present expectancy of good things and of laughter. It is this very thing that shaped longing in my heart for Africa so many years ago as a child. It was me, God and the world - and God always had a good idea of what to do next. Mmmm. I remember those dreams like a soft and warm blanket. But today, after many years of long restless nights, the blanket is tattered. Its fabric is threadbare. And I feel cold inside.

Back to the conversation. I turn and I notice that I have shifted from trying to impart wisdom to trying to learn. The tables are turned. The teacher has become the student and the surrounding Creation has become the classroom.

"What if you run out of gas?" I ask. "Then i'll walk" he says. My heart beats faster. "What if you can't get into the school? I question. "Then I don't get into the school. It's that simple" he says. "And I don't want to be at my dull job forever". I smile as I become aware of my new heart posture and my attitude changes. My spirit resonates with what he is saying and remembers dreams of long ago. Dreams of following the God of the Universe anywhere regardless of what anyone else thinks or says. The Bible even says, "the meek shall inherit the Earth". At this moment I can't think of anyone meeker.

I realize that he has escaped "the system" and is free. He can go anywhere and do anything because God is with him and for him. He is free to follow the dreams of His heart, which is nothing less than the very face of God. I smile as I remember my own zeal and desire for seeking God, though it cost me everything. I can still hear the sweet still voice that whispers in my soul, encouraging me to continue, to press forward. His faith and joy have refreshed my spirit. I smile and laugh I realize that we are both men who long to be free. Free to live wholeheartedly. Free to love deeply and without reserve. Free to not have any regrets. Free from the system of man and all its wearying entanglements. And I realize the difference and why I am tired and he is not: he beat me to the trail!

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall.

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint" (Isaiah 40:29-31).

Mukama Yebazebwe!